Wednesday, July 28, 2010

i realised i've forgotten to thank God for providence...
all the cab rides, all the medication. Goodness. How soon
we forget where our stuff come from. The very air we
breathe too. So, here i am Lord, thank You. Thank You.
Thank you for friends who encourage me. Thank you
for my job. Thank you for good sleep. Thank you for
food. Thank you for healing through the medication.
 Thank you for everything... :D

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

 that is the measure of the gap that is preventing my mum from eating normal
food... just 2mm. How precise can it get. Being able to drink, to taste, to swallow
is most times taken for granted. I really feel for mummy... eating in front of her
makes me feel really bad. Especially when the food is soooo good. I can't
exclaim it. I miss eating with her. I miss taking her out for meals at my fav
places. I miss sharing food with her. She now has a tube attached where the
'food' goes right down to her tummy. I sometimes secretly let her lick my spoon
to excite the taste buds. Pray for her k... that she'll recover soon.

Monday, July 26, 2010

my latest purchases... a batch of new alternative medication and
2 deluxe thumb supports. They burned a giant hole in me pocket.
The deluxe thumb supports were the ones i mentioned in my
previous post. $30 each... but oh boy, my hands feel so  safe and
comfy :) New alternative medication, slightly above $300. So yes,
as they say, HEALTH is WEALTH!!!

I just might up the supply of my current batch of alternative
medication, which will set me back close to $200. Sigh, what to
do... HEALTH is WEALTH!!!

As much as i would like to sign up for the practical part of getting
my driving license, i can't cos me isn't well and me needs to pay
for medication :( My PDL has expired... and no, no one has
allowed me to drive their cars with the PDL. lol....

So yes, now both my hands are protected by braces. Imagine raising
both hands during worship in church... hahha... i wonder what pple
will think. Both hands in braces.

i've lost a bit of weight... all my muscle mass gone :( My clothes
don't fit. Especially my pants... They drag on the floor even more
than before which really grosses me out. I'm pretty squirmish now.
A little grime or flake or stuff at the edge of a table or sticking out
from a corner freaks me out. I've only recently dared to wear flip
flops again, exposing my toes to the elements on the street. I really
hope i get over this crazy phase. Too hard to eat out like that. Too
hard to stay out like that...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

meeting a good friend for ice cream tonight....
very excited. He's got his new car too, which
i've yet to see :) Haatooooo....!!!!

i'm easing back into normal life. Taking the
train to work and hanging out after work.
Yay... Next would be me getting back into
my skinnies. And shopping...

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

as you would have known, the eczema has spread to my scalp
and it itches like mad. But i try not to scratch cos it'll look like
i've got a major dandruff problem :( Got a haircut recently,
it was decided on the day itself. I was desperate. My hair was
in a mess and the itch made matters worse so yea, i got 3 inches
chopped off.

Now, my hair is falling out at alarming amounts. Clumps...
It's very distressing... I was sobbing as i washed my hair.
Everytime i stroked it, clumps fell out. They fell to the floor...
in swirls, then floated towards the water draining area. Nooo...
i came out of the shower and sat on a stool, sobbing... desperate.
Not knowing what to do next... "i trust tricocare..." really?
Do i need to seek treatment? I mean, another doctor? More
medication? More appointments? Mum said to shave it all off.
I toyed with the idea and surprisingly i was pretty ok with the
idea. I mean, Mum had it all shaved off for the surgery and it
grew back pretty quick. She'll have a mane by Christmas.
So if i shaved mine now i won't be too far behind her....

My wrists and thumbs are injured pretty badly. Especially the
right one. I feel the pain even when i sleep. Where's XY when
i need her.... i need her to tape it so it won't get worse. I don't
want to see another doctor. I might just go buy a thumb guard.
But it'll cost quite a bit. $30.... you might think it a small amt.
But when all the medical bills add up, oh boy.... it pinches
however little.

i've been cabbing a little too much. Too spoilt. I had better stop
before i get too used to it and forget how to get home via public
transport. Sigh....

Thursday, July 15, 2010



我要 高举双手献上敬拜

尊贵羔羊 配得我赞美
荣耀君王 配得我尊崇
再 次献上赞美祭 我灵向你歌唱

no matter how many times i listen to this
song, it never fails to still my heart and stand
in awe of what God has done. How awesome
is He... Thank you Lord for that sacrificial love.

Monday, July 12, 2010

"we see the present clearly
but He sees the first and the last

when you don't understand
when you don't see His plan
when you can't trace His hand
trust His heart"

just what i needed to be reminded of... i've been fighting
eczema since the end of Jan. How long more? But i must
say God has been merciful and abounding in grace. It could
have been much much worse. Thanking Him for all the
people He's sent to stand around me. To prop me up in the
darkest of times. To apply balms of love and comfort in the

Love casts out all fear. He loves me. So that is enough.
He will never let me out of His sight.
"Jesus loves me this i know..."
Do you know this? REally really know it deep deep down?
I hope to experience it every day. Live it out. Him loving me.
and in response, love Him back the way that is worthy of Him.

Friday, July 2, 2010

she's coming home

Mum would be coming home this evening. She'll be home over
the weekend then she'll head back to the rehab place on monday.
I'm so excited... Mummy belongs at home. I'm super excited :)

Thursday, July 1, 2010


i'm back at work, physically. And it's been good so far. Today is day #2.
I do still itch but i feel like i can get a better grip on it. I can't wait for full
healing to happen. THen i can wear my skinnies!!! I've been forced to wear
loose fitting pants and the tops that i have that go with them are pretty limited.
And they have cramped my style :( I can't wait for full healing to happen
also so i can hang out without hindrances. I'm excited. God will bring healing.
He is the Great Healer. Pray for my wrists... i think all the scratching and
smacking and reaching for impossible spots on my back have put a huge strain
on them. So now they hurt pretty bad. I can't lift heavy stuff... they hurt much
if they are at a certain angle... i can't use them to lift myself off the floor...

Mum is doing well. Mobility wise she's almost back to normal. Walking and
climbing stairs. The other day my aunt brought her a pair of shoes. Mum stuffed
her feet into them and jumped off the bed. SHe's funny :) She's still being
tube-fed cos the valve in her windpipe isn't working well. It doesn't close when
she swallows. So it's pretty dangerous cos the food could travel to her lungs.
She still speaks in a whisper but the speech therapist said she managed to project
her voice thrice during a session which speaks improvement. Her dots are
connecting better cognitively so that is great too. She'll be at the rehab place
till end july. END JULY?!?! yea... so long... i want my mummy back. I want
her at home. I want to have breakfast with her again. Chat with her over food.
I miss her being home.